One Year

One year…

In the morning I will watch as my biggest baby boy embarks on his senior year. It’s going to be one of those little memories…you know…the ones I hoard up like diamonds. One year seems like a long time but as I sit here…his life has flashed before me. From a baby, to toddler, to rough and tumble sticky fingered boy, to “I’m so cool” teenager.

One year…

It’s true…in one year a LOT can happen. But to a mama watching her son grow into a man…it’s just a blink of an eye. How hard it is to look at him and see so little of the sweet smelling baby. To instead see a beard and hear a deep masculine voice. To worry and know…I will always worry, no matter how grown up he is. To hear him laugh and I frown as I try so hard to remember what his baby giggles sounded like.

One year…

Poof…it will fly by in no time. How could it not? I try not to measure it as time I have left with him. He will always be my baby…right? But it’s hard not to see it that way as military recruiters call my house (oh how I want to rant and rave at that one) and colleges send copious amounts of brochures promising that they are the best choice for my son…and each one farther away than the next. He assures me, my biggest baby boy, that he will always be here. “I’m always gonna be here mama!” he tells me. And I snatch those words and hold them close to me…hoping that if I can hang onto them tightly enough they will be true.

One year…

But I know…in my mama’s heart I know. He will graduate. And maybe he will be at home for a year or so. But then…life. He will find a career (hopefully one he loves) and he will leave the nest. He will find love. He will marry. He will build his own little family. And I will be so proud of him! I will be his biggest fan…his greatest supporter! But my mama’s heart is breaking…because he is no longer my sticky fingered little boy. 

One year…

I often ask myself…do all mothers feel this way about their sons? And after recalling conversations with my mother-in-law I realize…yes they do. I say a prayer of thanks to that wonderful woman who raised her son to the man he is today. She did a fantastic job. There is a saying…”don’t marry a man…unless you’d be proud to have a son exactly like him.” I believe I have done very well in that department. And then I realize …his mother has gone through exactly what I am going through. Her heart has broken at the knowledge that her little boy…has made his way. And I am honored to have known and loved her. 

One year…

So you see…one year…can pass in an instant. And I desperately hope that it won’t. I hope I remember to collect all those little moments I can for later years. And maybe one day his wife will sit with me and let me share them with her. Maybe one day I can be like that wonderful and brave woman, my mother-in-law, and open my heart fully to her as my mother-in-law did for me. 



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